thanks, soulmate.

hot mess.

the only rule i ever follow when going out is..

always always ALWAYS keep my composure.

even after 14 shots of patron and my stomach hates me, and my liver wants to run for dear life, and i'm sweating like a pig in the mojave, i always make sure my makeup is on point and i have no wardrobe malfunctions and my hair still looks somewhat decent with all the perspiration.

i mean, whats the point of doing ANYTHING if u dont look good doing it?

and then there's the rest of the female population. the girls who think walking barefoot on the urine-stained cement is OK because their cheap shoes hurt. or the girl who almost twists her cankles even though she's walking barefoot on a flat sidewalk. the girls who scream "I'M SO WASTED" at the top of her lungs because she thinks the person standing 2 inches away from her can't hear her. the girls who's dress (that's actually supposed to be a top) has ridden up and become a top again and she walkin around lookin like she left her pants in the bathroom.

u know who i'm talkin about.

im talkin about the girls who come to the club hot, and become an absolute hot mess in 4 shots flat.

don't get it twisted, im all about having a good time. debauchery is one of my favorite things... but the one thing i believe separates the ladies from the club rats is the ability for her to maintain while inebriated. its not a good look falling on ur ass while ur left nip slips in front of 600 strangers on stage. and although your friends might laugh and forgive you for showing ur panties while tryin to get low, i will be the one taking pictures of your cottage cheese ass and posting it on facebook, while my friends and i thank the lord jesus christ that we dont look like you. truuusstt. so please remember to be easy!

a few months back i was out with some friends and while standing outside to hit a stoge, i watch this chick walk out to the smoking area. she was FFLLYYYY... makeup was on point, not a hair strand out of place and her outfit was smokin. i then watched as she walked to the corner, bow her head, and proceed to throw up the hennessey she just downed. after she was done, she popped a mint in her mouth and lit up a marlboro menthol light. my good friend FD then walked over to her and said, "You are the prettiest girl thats ever yacked."

Pretty Girl, whoever you are... you are my hero. and apparently, you are also a very pretty drunk.

Enjoying the last day of sunshine

when boredom strikes.

hayati and i have decided that today is most boring tuesday ever. like.. EVER.

so what do u do when u've done ur daily routine and are still bored? like seriously, uve done EVERYTHING!
- gone through all our internet bookmarks.. TWICE
- exhausted myspace, facebook, twitter, and every other social network.
- blogged about bullshit cuz there aint no interesting news...
- made fun of uglies which is already old news..
- everyone on the buddy list is busy.. or working.. or playing hooky and is too occupied having fun to talk to ur "bored @ work" ass.
- even talking to a tree or rock would make today a lil more interesting but they are also unavailable or just ignoring u..
- job hunting [cuz im tired of this place] is slim pickins
- updated vacation itineraries
- updated ipod playlists
- looked at pictures from the weekend 3 times
- shopped online but couldnt really cuz my ass is brizzoke.
- my ass actually worked too. not even pretended to work, but ACTUALLY worked.

...............and then look at the clock and realize that its still only 230 and you aint got shit to do.

hmmm...
count sheep? pick lint out ur pocket? balance checkbook? clean purse???? and no, i dont wanna do a survey or anything of the sort cuz that shit is just gay.

someone help us. cuz we are dying.

inebriated idiocy

katchafire concert + good friends + sunshine + patron = a great weekend.

LICK.

DRINK.

SUCK.

REPEAT.

=) 90 DEGREES IN SAN FRANCISCO!!!

steph's closet

ok chickadees....

my oldest and dearest friend, Steph, has ventured out to do something she is passionate about. For the love of everything vintage, i present to you STEPH'S CLOSET.

Here's an excerpt from her blog, on her beginning...

In a nut shell, this is what I found:
I want my own business - to manage and create an establishment beyond what I ever imagined. I dream to sing, to study music, and to teach it from my soul. To make people feel the words in song different than any other person. I want to have the drive that will achieve my dream and the drive to have a plan to make it all
happen.

...THUS I created STEPH's closet - Vintage clothing selling for cheap...

I know I jumped the gun, skipped a couple of euphoric idea generating moves that eventually got me to start up selling the clothes...BUT basically, this is where it all began. As I sell each piece of clothing, my closet - OR my soul - makes more sense. I have created an experience for my customers that exemplifies key things - personal assistance, unique choice of clothing pertaining specifically to the person, the feeling of friendship and the need to help them feel good about themselves.

I'm in LOVE. And it's amazing that this is happening.

do not sleep on this one. check her out! she will blow ur mind, make u look fly, and satisfy your soul. this girl is like... chicken soup for my life! love u steph..

***EDITOR'S NOTE*** - wow, this post has only been up for an hour or so and i've already gotten so many responses! THANK YOU GUYS!!! here's Steph's Closet's Facebook page. Hit her up here for any requests or questions. She also holds sales out of her closet for now, so if you're in the Bay.. HOLLA!!!

"Bitches live forever..

..and you're the bitchiest bitch i know"

That was put on a note from my NBF Queenie last week... last week when i was freaking the fuck out... last week when God smacked me with a chin check... last week when i was faced with my own mortality as a cancer scare had my equilibrium off track...

today i received news that the lump i found during a self breast exam is actually called a fibroadenoma. and poses no risk to my health.

i am healthy. i am cancer free. i am ECSTATIC! i cannot begin to express how i feel today. i feel... relieved. i kind of also feel like i cheated death? cuz it totally could have been cancer. it could have been stage 3. i could have been fat and bald from chemo 5 months from now. but i wont be. cuz its not anything to worry about. so why do i feel bittersweet?

all i know is that i am ready to celebrate life! MY life. my HEALTHY life. (and the fact that i get to keep my barely existant tits)... katchafire and rebel souljahz concert this weekend and i hope they stock enough patron at the bar cuz i'm about to shut it down! hahaha.

Jesus walks with me. i am so blessed. enjoy the sunshine!

the smokey smell of victory

Dear Cigarettes,

After a 46 day hiatus, I welcome you again into my life with open arms. Oh, how I've missed you. Ending a large meal or a stressful day without you around has been difficult. My life has seemed lacking. For a seond there, I thought I had myself convinced that I could live my life without you in it. I was almost over you, until Easter Sunday when you made a smashing entrance back into my life. *sigh* There's no getting rid of you, is there? But then again, a girl needs a vice.... And I choose YOU.

Always,
Raaachem

Thanks guys..

i just wanted to take quick time out and THANK YOU for reading my banter. last saturday after the club, i saw a friend at the late night joint we were eating at and he said "my friend ---- says 'i dont want her to think i'm a stalker or anything, but please tell her that she writes really well"

i guess i never realized how many people actually read this. So, again, i just wanna say THANK YOU. I want you to know that i appreciate all of your comments, and i take offense to NOTHING... keep em coming guys.. please feel free to speak ur mind freely about anything i've said. i aint mad at ya. =) NNEEVVERRR ...

I HELLA LOVE YOU GUYS. forreal.

p.s. did i mention that i'm planning a trip to vancouver? kinda crazzyyy.. keep u guys posted on that one!

allerGEEZE.

ever try and talk to someone and they seem to be allergic to conversation?

in a day and age where you're more likely to know my aim screen name than my phone number, and u know what i'm doin cuz u follow me on twitter..when did friendships become so impersonal?

ever had a friend whom u text/email/chat with pretty frequently and when they actualy call ur cell phone its kind of... awkward?? or sometimes u can hold a 7 hour chat on gtalk, but when u finally have lunch u two aint got shit to say to each other... has quality conversation become extinct?

i am not exempt - there are just some people who's frienships will always remain on aim or twitter or facebook cuz i could not see myself having a 2 hour convo about sunblock over coffee. however, the same convo on meebo while i'm at work is completely fair game.

and then there are the socially retarded.. the verbally constipated.. the people in ur life where you have to pull teeth to get more than a one word answer out of. sometimes it feels as if ur talking to a TREE. or a rock. whatever inanimate object you prefer. but u know they're fun. u've seen it! or maybe it was just the libations talking but u could have sworn she was fuckin hilarious the other night when now all she types back is "hahaha" when what you typed wasnt even supposed to be funny. WTF is that shit?

i think i'm addicted to conversing. and when i come accross people like this i think either 1) shit, they have no personality or 2) am i just that boring to talk to? and i really hope its not either cuz i'd like to believe that everyone is fun and interesting, myself included.

so please, take a laxitive cuz the verbal constipation is no bueno. i'm sure we can find SOMETHING interresting to talk about. u may be allergic to conversation but i am allergic to boring. (and ugly, but thats a whole nother blog)

p.s. "this livin is so magnificent. stop dreamin it. oh.." - j. legend. happy friday, yo!

SF hella <3s Hellz

alright alright ALRIGHT!!!!

as u know, i contribute to the Hellz Bellz blog, What The Hellz. if you dont know about Hellz, edu-fuckin-cate urself cuz Lanie and crew should NOT be slept on.

well, they're comin to SF!!!  holla at a hella Hellz sample sale!  Afterwards, i'll met you at cha cha cha for a pitcher of sangria.  

The way I see it #76

 The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in  play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal  critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

 Sent from my iPhone

Tour de FatGirl

what a day what a day. can i just say that going to la for lunch was the best. idea. ever. !!!! as lawn mentioned i was in socal for the day to EAT, EAT, and EAT some more... just wanted to share with u the spots i hit up on my "Tour de FatGirl, LA edition"

we hit up The Griddle on Sunset in which our waiter looked like a skinny josh hartnett. =)

that, my dear friends, is the "Creme de la Creme French Toast".. graham cracker crusted, cheesecake topping, orgasm on a plate! seriously, whatever is in that cheesecake topping is crack! 6 mimosas later and i wanted to bathe in it.

Met with Lawn for lunch and had the BEST.BURGER.EVER. at the Golden State. and then said hi to everyone at the Hellz office.

p.s. after leaving the office we proceeded to stand there and gawk on the street as some random guy got arrested. apparently he tried to steal something? and regular people off the street stopped him until the police arrived. one guy even told him that if he ran, he'd let his pit bull loose on his ass! totally renewed my belief that people are good.. =)

my girl anna then twittered her ass away and found the kogi truck at santa monica college. after much anticipation, i decided on 2 short rib tacos, 1 spicy pork taco, and 4 short rib burritos (the burritos are for baon today).. i only have three words for this place. BELIEVE THE HYPE.

lastly, we topped it off with some pinkberry cuz even though they just opened one in the bay, it will always be so LA to me.

Tour de FatGirl 2009 was a success.. until next time LA.. my stomach shall be readyyy!!!!

haterade.

i have a lot of guy friends and one thing that i absolutely HATE hearing is, "how come girls always talk shit about each other?" and i hate to admit it, but its true. get a group of girls together and 9 times out of 10, they talkin shit about SOMEONE.. wether it be the ugly bitch in line at the club, the fat girl tryna get a drink outta one of the boys, or the fake beezy who was talkin mess behind ur back.

upon further contemplation, i'm sitting here wondering.. do girls really just hate each other? cuz it seems as if any girl that u dont just love, u seem to hate. and it doesnt matter how nice she is or how pretty she is or how bad ass she is.... her nose, her outfit, her boyfriend, her lipstick, her smile, her hair, her friends or her shoes..whatever it is... we'll find SOMETHING to hate on.

am i right or am i right?

im tryin to figure it out. are we just secretly jealous of each other? do we need some sort of self-validation to keep our swag serious? i think it's a little bit of both. i think engrained in our female DNA is a need to feel.... worthy. and while we may not be attention whores like *ahem* some people we know, we do like attention. we like compliments. we like being validated as a woman.

so when we feel as if some other chick encroaches on that, i think we immediately want to find something wrong with her, so as not to negate from our own self-image. thats why when we see that beautiful woman walkin out the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to her stilettos, we say nothing cuz it makes us that much more appealing than she is. thats why instead of helping the girl who got her shoe stuck in the grate, we point and laugh and proceed to ponder her reasoning on wearing open toe heels on a rainy night. thats why we look at every female from head to toe upon introduction so as to find something we don't approve of and feel better about our own choice of outfit. thats why we dont attempt conversation with her until the third time we've met.

it sucks. but its the damn truth. i think the next time one of my guy friends asks me why females talk so much shit, i'm gonna ask him why they can never put the toilet seat down or why dirty socks always seem to end up next to the hamper and never inside the hamper... so cheers bitches! i'm sure ur haterade tastes just as good as mine. =)

expect the worst, hope for the best.

maybe its just my jaded view of the world, but i'm the kind of person to expect the best, and hope for the best when it comes to circumstance. i dont get butthurt too easily so when the best doesnt happen, i brush that shit off and move on. but, when it comes to people and the roles they play in ur life.. i think.. that i've become the complete opposite.

i kind of go into new friendships expecting that they SUCK (i dunno i think i also half expect them to be hunch back and buck tooth too), kind of because i love that feeling of being pleasantly surprised when they are fuckin AWESOME. maybe its cuz i've come accross too many mediocre people whom i thought would be nothing short of amazing, that i automatically assume u can't be as great as u portray urself to be.

i've been disappointed too many times that i can confidently throw away my naivety, but i suppose that shouldnt mean that everyone deserves the same fate in my eyes now, does it?

as of late, a few people have proven their absolute amazingness and i am again in awe cuz i can actually say "hey, i see the god in u".. who besides common says that shit? i guess i do. hahaha.

and this post really serves no purpose than to help me get back into writing after a 2 week hiatus cuz the fuckin job is killin me softly and slowly... whatever. here we go.

hellz repost! hello los angeles!

did u guys see that ridiculous sale jet blue was having from San Francisco yesterday? they were selling flights from SF-NY and SF-LA for only $14 each way.

yeah, i said FOURTEEN DOLLARS. i almost had an aneurism reading the email as i frantically opened up my plans for this weekend (it was good thru april 8 only), and tried to find a sitter. lo and behold, being in a New York state of mind wasnt gonna happen for me cuz that shit sold out in the 17 minutes it took me to spread the word.

so i switched my plans to live and die in LA but, it seemed as if the cards were against me as my solid plans for saturday weren't gonna let me make a tactful exit. so i said.. fuck it. aint no better reason to play hooky on a weekday than a sale on flights right? i booked a round trip ticket for under $50 (including taxes and fees) and could not be more excited for a fun-filled day of hooky in the city of angels.

that kogi truck better watch out cuz i got 12 hours to stalk it and i'm seriously trying to get my kim chee quesadilla on. lawn.. lunch? and just in case u dont believe me..